5 Things I Should Be Able To Do Without My Manhood Being Questioned

Every man has their thing, something we do that doesn’t fit into society’s typical idea of what a man does. Like in the movie Meet The Parents, where Greg Focker works as a nurse and throughout the film, his fiancee’s family takes little jabs at his chosen line of work because it’s not considered manly.

Sometimes these things are slightly more subtle, less overt than a whole profession. They’re little things men do, but in a woman’s mind, they’re big enough to raise her suspicion, causing her to ponder, “Is this guy playing for a different team?” And with down-low behavior still an issue, a lot of suspicions are valid.

But sometimes men don’t deserve the eyebrow raise. Sometimes, these things we do are just our thing or they serve a purpose. We shouldn’t have to stop doing them just because a woman has never seen a man do them before or they don’t fit into some dogmatic scheme of manhood she has conjured up in her mind. As comfortable as I am with my manhood, as comfortable as most men are, many men keep quiet certain things they do or want for the sake of appearances. In a weird way, I actually think such a balancing act is part of a man’s uniform.

Below, a list of five things I should be able to do without my manhood being question.

SENDING A SMILEY FACE IN A TEXT OR CHAT

I will say this much about the smiley face emoticon: It’s a tricky thing. Sometimes I send it out without a second thought and sometimes, I’m trying to find a way to not include it, and never would I just send a text or instant message that looked like this.

But why must I even have to think about such things?  Most times, a smiley face is there to denote a message I would like to be interpreted as playful or lighthearted so what I’m saying isn’t misconstrued as a serious statement. That’s all. It’s kind of like LOL, which used to mean “Laugh Out Loud” but now means, “I have no response to that.” The smiley face doesn’t mean I’m giddy or happy, it just means, “It’s all good. Really. It’s absolutely all good.”

SING ALONG TO THE FOLLOWING THREE SONGS

“[You Make Me Feel Like] A Natural Woman” by Aretha Franklin

“Greatest Love of All” by Whitney Houston

“Strong Enough” by Sheryl Crow

Why can’t I sing along to these three songs? They’re only like three of the best songs ever written. Maybe we can compromise? What if I change the line in Franklin’s song from “natural woman” to “natural man”, the line in Crow’s song from “strong enough to be my man” to “strong enough to be my girl”, and sing Houston’s entire song in a husky baritone? If I do that, is it okay, because these songs are really, really catchy, and if it’s any constellation, I only know the choruses, I don’t even all the words.

Every year, man must deal with at least one song that is distinctly woman, but also catchy as hell. And every year, he must do all he can to not sing along.

WASH UP WITH A LOOFAH

Look, at least it’s black, and the body wash I’m using is Old Spice. Leave me alone.

HER HOLD ME

I had a rough day. I’m tired. The weight of the world is on my shoulders. I don’t want to have sex. I don’t even want her to even go down on me right now. I just want to be held. Just hold me. Can I get that? Can any man get that? Hold me, for five minutes. Then, then we can have sex.

HAVE A LEGITIMATE FEAR

I hate roller coasters. There is nothing about them that seems natural or fun. So I don’t ride them. My sister does though. Back in the day, when me, my dad and sister would go to amusement parks, I always waited for them while they went on all the roller coasters. My dad of course would always call me a wimp, but I didn’t care, I sat on the bench anyway and talked to the girl who didn’t like roller coasters either because there was always one.

Men aren’t supposed to be afraid of anything, but all men have little fears. Some men hate roller coasters. Some men hate spiders and rats. We should be able to own these fears without any ridicule. So long as we’re willing to kill a spider, trap a rat, and yes, even ride a roller coaster on occasion, all for the sake of a woman we love, the fears of men, just like all of our other unusual tics, habits, and ways, should be respected.